dissapointment

and terribly jealous. not my usual emotions, but what is usual for me now.
jealousy is still relatively new to me, i have avoided this emotion. they were times in the past where i was jealous, but at those times i was secure in the grasp of the object that i wanted. and i could rationalize jealousy away fairly easily.
but this time, it was a crashing wave exploding fast on the shore of my heart. shock set in and i was paralyzed from exercising any form of reason and reserve. i said what i was thinking (but i usually do that all the time), as a statement that deserved a signifcant response.
i got my significant response in the form of a question "do you still have feelings for me?" i responded with a "i didn't but now i don't know."

a day or two has passed and the base of jealousy has built into dissapointment. i thought maybe now, it would be our chance. never quite let go of that, no matter how far i had moved on. i still had hope.

losing hope is like losing patience. just a wee bit of hope was lost, just a wee bit of patience was lost. now i have more hope and patience in the eternal.