tonight

i saw the love of my life for the first time since christmas. hung out with him at our friends house and then went back to his place to see his fish. he has some cool fish. i like fish.
i'm still in love with him. i will probably always be in love with him. my first love. but i will never date him. i don't trust him and it's highly unusual for me not to trust someone. it takes a lot to lose my trust, but when it's gone, it's gone.
i love to listen to him, be around him. i see so much of God in him, so many gifts God has given him. he just wastes them, but God is still working on him. i still cry when cries, laugh when he laughs. i hate to see him hurting and love to see him smile. i would have done anything for him, but not now. i'm hestitant of how close we get (as friends only).
it was really good to see him, i missed so much.