am i really doing this already?

i thought i missed it, all of it. i thought i wanted every last ounce of it back again. i thought it was the best feeling/thing on earth. i was abashed at how i lived without it for so long. i thought i missed everything about it, every glance, touch, breath, sound of it.
but
i think i forgot this part of it. the after. which is just as much of a part of it as the before and middle, the height. even if it's days after, it's still after, until there's another before.
all
i want is another before. it feels like it's the next step, the thing that should follow. like a pattern, like the sun no the earth around the sun. another before feels right. i'm not going to wait until july 4th.
this
year, i decided is going to be an extended Canada trip mixed in with school and apartment and work. and beer diets.