so this is my life.

you know when your heart is heavy. i just want a heart that doesn't feel heavy. sunday night was a bad night. you know when you're all down about something but then you drink and you get worse, all depressed and pathetic. i was ridiculous. i feel bad for the guys that bought us drinks and played pool with us, i was depressed and drunk. that's not a good combination.
i meet someone who makes me not think about someone else. i hope he understands what i don't want in any way...committment.

i want a skull and crossbones tattooed on my shoulder with a vine growing of the eye.

thank you Courtnay for the prayer day yesterday. so often i operate as 'all or nothing.' lately it's been nothing. you reminded me that no matter my decisions and actions, God is still there. He's still there whether i pay attention to Him or not. He deserves so much more than just my attention, but right now that's all i can give Him. it was good to just talk to Him. good to be reminded that Jesus is more than just what i named my tattoo.

fucking shit.

a comment i left Courtnay today pretty much describes me and how i'm doing right now. you have to read into it to get it. i was trying to figure out how to post about how i'm doing when i'm not too sure myself, but it came out in this this comment. go and read the one before it from me, that's funny too.

"and i have an almost complete lack of emotion for people right now. except for you. and heather. i fucking love heather, and you. but that's it."


-Birdie

the sound of rain

the sound of rain, it's comforting. i'm comfortable with rain. sun, althougth wonderful most of the time i can't handle it. i think warm spring rain is my favorite. it's warm so you can leave the window open and just listen. fall asleep to the clear sound of rain and breezes. not the sound of rain hitting the window and the wind hollering, just pure unadulterated rain. it's so clean, refreshing. so different then the winter drizzle, this is good solid rain and a warm-cool breeze.
this is almost rare here. it sprinkles, or drizzles, or storms, but just rain, like this, purely, it's not common. i feel like i can almost breathe, but i'm still holding my breath.

apparently i'm creepy

this lady complained about me at work in an email to the franchise's website. it was forwarded to me. it's pretty funny. here's some exerpts:

"She always looks like she just rolled out of bed and her eyes are glazed."
it was 7:40 in the morning! what do you excpect?

"I don't feel she's a good representation of the "healthy" concept that your company promotes as she was also fixing her hair before making my smoothie."
well that may be true, i smoke, drink, eat fastfood, never workout, and i have nervous habit of 'fixing' my hair and playing with my ears.

"She gives me the crepes and doesn't look very clean in her appearance."
um i'm pretty certain 'crepes' is spelled creeps! and clean is a relative phrase. i kinda take being called creepy as a compliment. i've never been called creepy before. that's a compliment.

signed:
Rochelle Holliday
Market Planning Manager - WA/OR/ID
SCM Network
Cingular Wireless
(O) 425-580-6814
(M) 425-241-2910
rochelle.holliday@cingular.com

whoa now that's a title. crazy lady.

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