i got this question off of reading Marisa's blog

am i marriage material?

answer truthfully and don't try to spare my feelings. answer how i would answer you. i need some honesty, true, frank, harsh honesty, please.

sorry that i disappeared

it's not because i'm a angry, depressed, emo child. it's well because i have cheated on my blog...gasp! yes i have cheated on my blog with a myspace account. Liana knew i was perfectly fine, she on my friends list. i've been commenting to some friends from camp. but don't feel bad, this blog link is not posted on there, so you are the only ones who are privy to my thoughts and emotions, since i don't blog on my myspace.
jovana is back now and i'm so very happy. i've been working a lot. i now have a student id number for azusa. not too sure what that means, they like to play with my emotions. my brother and i got into a giant fight on thanksgiving. it made me aware that we didn't grow up together, he moved out when he was 13.

good news! even though the californian wedding has been moved to feburary and our drive down trip is not likely, there's a very good chance nate is still coming for my friend's wedding in january!

anyone who wants a place to stay for new years-i have room. courtnay let me know what's going on. oh yeah i called you back but i got busy at work right as i was calling. love you much.

to every girl who absolutely adore the store LUSH...

...i am now using the cupcake chocolate mask from this beautiful store! that's right there's a LUSH 10 minutes from my house!!! in bellevue square! i was so excited when i saw it in all it's glory, jammed packed with likewise lovers of organic skin and body care and scrumptlous aromas!! YEA for me! it brings back so many fond memories of lush in endinbrough, london, manchester, york, liverpool, chester, and now bellevue..

you can also order online www.lush.com! makes amazing christmas gifts. ;) hint hint..









oh and i saw mike! he's 18 on november 28! yes finally!

so the love affair is officially over

i went into to where he works to today and talked to him...more like yelled at him. i ended up giving him the demetri story. he just sat there and said i'm sorry and i don't know what to say, like a little, helpless, boy. he didn't fight for me at all! i thought about wether or not i should go in and talk to him all day and then got almost no reaction for him. i know i'm over-reacting, i'm sure of it, but i can't do this dating thing anymore. i don't trust him, i can't play these stupid games-i can't handle this! i'm not ready, my still mending from previous heartbreaks. i have a lot of stuff to deal with still left over from demetri.

i knew this was going to end so better sooner than later. and from now on God is going to have "date" for me because i can't deal with it.

and thanks liana for talking me out of going to demetri's. and thanks courtnay for being you.

why i'm a stupid girl

it's been 4 days since i've talked to him (zivan)! does "i'll call you later" mean i'll call you later that day or later that month, year, decade?! i can't handle this, i used to be able to, but now i can't. he's turning me into some stupid, crazy girl! i already had issues trusting him because of demetri. i used to trust so easily, now it's hard to. and now the only person i want talk to about this is demetri. because, well because i still love him.

i thought i was ready, maybe i'm not. i hate washington.

latin soul

i think i'm in Zivan's life for a reason. i really honestly do. this isn't bullshit to try and convince people that it's ok if we date. i went to a church service tonight and was praying about it and God was telling me He has a reason why we meet. i know this sounds so much like bullshit, so i'll let you know if it is and if i'm wrong. i've been known to be wrong and make bad decisions, but we don't have faith in me now do we!?

and we all know that if he ends falling in love with me, i'll may lose it and show up on demetri's doorstep. because i'm still in love with demetri.
life is great sometimes...

Zivan told me that i have the soul of a latin person because i'm so passionate...viva!

why..

can't i just be happy? why won't people leave me alone about missionary dating and Zivan not being a Christian. i'm just happy with him.
my good family friend the Butlers, who are like family (so much so that i don't knock and the mom yells at me just like her own kids, well we did live with them!)...well Barb (the mom) was about to give me the 'he's not a Christian' speech so i pointed at her 17 year old daughter and shouted "her boyfriend cheated on her!" so i could avoid that ridiculous speech. and it worked she shifted focus to her daughter and told her that my mum had somethings to say to her.

Zivan just makes me happy, can't that be enough?

more on Zivan

i'm so happy with him!
now i need to convert him...oh missionary dating! (thanks josh for the new phrase!)

by the way: every guy should learn spanish! it's SO hott!

we went to the seattle international car show today. so boring. we get to go to a art show next weekend and he'll probably say the same thing.

i'm so happy i wrote a poem! and here it is:

your simple smile
measures all eternity
as you hold in your hand
my face - you kiss
a dimple i remember
one you can't find
search our faces
for memories we can touch

(*it's not done and there's a line i don't like but it's what it is for now.)